I knew it was coming. Sunday I felt the tinges of back pain, nothing major, just letting me know it was coming. Monday, well, I had a lousy day anyway. Slight pain also, but pack a bit of depression on top of that and you have a wonderful Monday. At least I can say my work day wasn’t bad at all, just the weight of the car situation has been riding heavily upon me and I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that my options are limited.

I generally try to cover things up and try to not let them bother me so much. Sometimes I am pretty successful at it, other times not so much. I have learned to be a strong person most of the time, because I’m on my own, I have no one to lean on. I have health issues to deal with witch is part of the reason I am only able to work on a part-time basis. Actually, it’s most of the reason.

Needless to say, when I went to bed “early” last night because I was having such a crappy day and felt exhausted from all the boo hooing, the pain was becoming a bit more constant. I’m not even sure if I can call it pain…it’s an odd thing really. I suffer from both back problems and back spasms, weather one has to do with the other I’m not sure, but when I get a flare up, it’s not generally a very pretty thing. Back spasms are different from normal “tics” that I’m sure everyone has experienced at one point or another. Normal tics don’t tend to be very painful, more annoying than anything depending on how often they happen. Back spasms on the other hand are very painful. It’s like every muscle in your back seizes (tightens) up and just stays that way, it doesn’t stop. Obviously after a short period of time the tension being built up in the muscle and having no release, it causes unbearable pain. Most times I’m in so much pain that I’m in tears. Sometimes taking a hot bath helps to relieve some of that tension, but often times it’s just a temporary fix, and I mean, maybe a half hour of ease in pain.

At my last doctor’s appointment I was given a new prescription of “Ultram” witch is a pain reliever for my back spasms. Pain reliever my butt. I don’t know what pain it was relieving but it wasn’t my back for sure. I woke up about 11:45 whimpering because of the pain (funny what we do in our sleep) so I immediately took two of the Ultram and jumped in the hot bath. I was in there for a good 45 minuets I guess. The hot bath definitely helped, but the water does tend to get cold at some point. Lol. The Ultram was not working though. I almost went ahead and took a couple of my “happy” pills (Laratab, Hydrocodone, whatever you want to call them) but being that I had just taken the Ultram I didn’t want to chance anything. I don’t like taking the Laratab unless I have no other choice, because it is addictive, and Lord knows I don’t need that. I’m usually pretty good about taking anything really, even advil. I don’t generally take anything unless there is just no other option and the pain is just so unbearable I can’t stand it any longer. Call it stubbornness, but other than the medications I “have” to take I’m just not much of a pill popper.

Well, I managed to get three hours of sleep after my bath anyhow. It was about 1:45 by the time I got out of the bath, took the Ultram, and got ready to go back to bed. I was awake again at 4:15. Not sure I really ever went to sleep, but I did get some rest. I called work, told them I wasn’t going to be in, and took 2 of my happy pills. I’m starting to feel better now. Starting to get sleepy actually. I guess before too long I’ll be back in bed. Hopefully all will be much better tomarrow.